If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
