It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is Oprah even human
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
