I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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