Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
