There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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