his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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