she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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