I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
