There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
