I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
