he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
