i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
