Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
