It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
