Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
