This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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