She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
