shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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