the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
