Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
