I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
