the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
