the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
