we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
