his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
