I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This is the high leading the old right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
