hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
