Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
