So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
