You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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