plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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