I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
