About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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