its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
