Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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