so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
