just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
