I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
