you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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