my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
