I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
