I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
