Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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