mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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