I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
