Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
