Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i now understand why vodka
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
