Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
