I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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