I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
