y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
